KANST, B.

[/b] despite the hard exterior, ben truly does care about those around him. however, ben sees his ability to care as a weakness and he rarely shows his caring side outwardly. there seems to be a reoccurring pattern in ben's life where the ones he loves the most, end up leaving him. ben holds himself responsible for the failed relationships and makes it a goal to avoid any attachments. while he may not outwardly display any affection, he has his own way of showing that he cares. he'll go to great lengths to protect the people around him, even if that means putting his own life on the line.

QUICK-TEMPERED. in order to appear confident, ben appears to have quite the ego. his sense of pride makes it difficult to sway him once he's settled on something. ben has his own way of dealing and he doesn't like to be questioned. at the first sign of conflict, ben is not afraid to retaliate. his way of dealing with trouble is to shoot first and ask questions later. it's the only way to ensure his survival. not to mention, ben doesn't have much of a filter, so he's not afraid to speak up and voice his opinion. ben is always right and even when he's not, an apology is not the first thing on the tip of his tongue. he's not very good at sugarcoating his opinion either. his stubbornness and his callous nature don't exactly earn him many friends.

LOYAL. from a young age, ben has been taught how to be a good soldier. to do so, ben has to trust the people he's with while on missions. when he puts his trust in someone, he can be blindingly loyal to them. as second-in-command, this means that ben has placed his complete faith in max. though he usually has some sarcastic comment for her plans, he'll do exactly as she says. in his mind, he's the only one that allowed to talk back to her. his loyalty extends to the people on the island and ben sees it as his responsibility to protect them. at heart, he's still just a soldier, listening to orders.

BROKEN. while the physical scars from ben's time at war have healed, the mental scars have not. he was diagnosed with ptsd, but seeing as how there aren't many psychiatrists around, ben has gone untreated. other than his own self-medication, there's very little that keeps ben sane. the things that ben saw and did during the war still haunt him. loud noises, especially unexpected ones, tend to trigger flashbacks and lead ben to believe he's still fighting. at night, it's the nightmares that keep him from sleeping. the infection did nothing to help and it's only made ben more paranoid. deep down, ben is terrified of what's going to happen to him and the others.

ADDICT. just about everyone has their way of coping and for ben, it's prescription painkillers. he first picked up the habit when he got back from the war and the drug abuse is what got ben discharged from the army. he was first prescribed the pills after his surgery to remove two bullet fragments and shrapnel from his body. as much as he tries to deny it, ben simply cannot go without the pills. it may be imagined, but he still feels the pain. the drugs also keep his nightmares from getting too bad and allow him to sleep at night. however, they make him extremely reckless. there is very little that ben won't do to get his drugs. to keep his habit under wraps and make sure he has a constant supply, he occasionally bribes the boatman to take him to the mainland. it's still nearly impossible to keep up with his habit and when ben doesn't have his fix, he's irritable and snaps easily. [/div]

[/b] if there was ever any love between benjamin's parents, it was well before his time. his mother had fallen in love with a man who could never love her back, not fully. it wasn't her fault she had been instantly drawn to the man in uniform. ben's father was born into a military family and his first love was always going to be the military. she was just a music teacher who still believed in love at first sight. despite his cold exterior, he gave her a sense of safety. he protected her and that was all she needed. they cared for each other, but it just simply wasn't enough to sustain a marriage. still, she could never find the courage to leave him. the fear of being alone kept her locked in the marriage, even as they moved from military base to military base. she could feel that he was drifting away from her each time they moved and she was desperate to keep him. she couldn't be alone. she would do anything. it wasn't long before she realized the answer to her problems - a child.

essentially, ben was a last-ditch effort to save the failing marriage. his mother believed that the boy would keep her husband occupied, his own little soldier to raise. surely the plan couldn't fail. but she was so wrong. ben's father didn't care. even when she told him about the pregnancy, his excitement was fake. he had been planning to end the marriage, save her from the years to come. but now, he was bound by his sense of honor to stay. he couldn't leave his child fatherless. they both tried to make it work and play nice, but that lasted very briefly. by the time benjamin was born, his parents were sick of each other. however, now with a child, they were both too stubborn to admit their wrongs and leave the marriage. instead, they fought constantly. it was impossible to get through dinner without the two of them turning it into a shouting match.

with a child to raise, it only gave the couple even more to argue about. ben's mother was insistent that he ben kept from the military lifestyle, while his father was adamant that he be raised as the perfect little soldier. in all their fighting though, they never realized that ben was growing up. once he was old enough to understand, ben learned how to please both of his parents. he played along when his father taught him how to handle a gun and take down an attacking enemy. his mother decided the best way to rebel was to teach her son the guitar. however, it was no surprise that ben picked up the guitar quicker than his dad's strict rules. at least his mother gave him encouragement and showed him affection. ben began showing little interest in spending time with his father. at twelve, when he first showed his father what he had accomplished with the instrument, the older man merely scoffed and turned his attention back to the news.

confused, ben tried every way to win his father's affection. in school, he tried his best to get good grades, but those didn't matter. ben even spent an entire summer learning his way around a sniper rifle and at fourteen, he could shoot better than most adults. still, this failed to impress his father. after that, ben simply gave up. he realized there was nothing he could ever do to make his parent's love each other. the fighting got worse and ben started to find any excuse to stay away from home. at school, his grades took a sharp downwards turn and ben began falling in with the wrong crowd. he bonded with the other kids who didn't live up to their parent's expectations. ben began cutting school with the group. mostly they sat around, listening to music, and complaining about their lives. it was angst that brought them together, but they became each other's family.

at fifteen, ben got the first of his many tattoos. by now, he was sneaking out of the house to act recklessly and skipping school to nurse hangovers. back at home, his mother was finally getting the courage to leave. the first time the police brought ben home was also the night that she chose to leave. ben was the only one who was there for his father to take his anger out on. the next day, ben was enlisted in a military boarding school and being shipped off. it did nothing to stop ben’s behavior though. he was furious at his father for sending him away and even angrier at his mother for leaving. ben lashed out in anyway he could and though he was repeatedly punished for his behavior, ben still acted the same.

by the time he was seventeen, ben had been kicked out of two boarding schools, and a local high school. no matter where he went, his teachers all cited him as being ‘unruly, lazy, and a poor influence on others’. finally, his father found a boarding school that would take him. it only lasted a month, before ben snapped at one of the teachers and shoved him. he hadn’t meant to hurt the man, but he had been at the top of a staircase. the man fell back and ended up in the hospital with a broken arm and concussion. in the past, ben had been lucky enough to avoid police contact, but this time, his teacher pressed charges. his father, seeing an opportunity, used his influence to get judge to give ben an option. ben could either face jail time or join the army. pressured by his father, ben eventually choice to join the military.

THE MAN.[/b] from the beginning, ben hated every moment of it. still though, it was easy for him to fall back into the lifestyle he’d grown up in. by twenty, he had finished his training, cut off all contact from his father, and he was bitter. there were few people that tried to befriend him and ben shut them all out. the only person that managed to break through was a woman named natalie. she worked at a bar that ben frequented and at first, all he did was ignore her. after one night of drinking far too much, she brought ben back home and made sure he woke up the next morning. from there, it was almost easy for him to talk to her. natalie was the one who convinced him to pick up his love for music again. she was the one person that made him truly happy. a couple years later, ben proposed and the two of them were married.

they had a couple years together before ben was deployed overseas. in that time, they had a son together and for the first time, ben was responsible for someone’s life, other than his own. he was afraid of making the same mistakes his parents had made. it was that fear that consumed him and kept him from being able to stay in the same room as his son. it didn’t help that only a year after his son’s birth, ben was deployed to fight. while on his first tour, ben met max cardigan. though they other men joked, she instantly earned his respect. she was only with them for a brief time, but the two of them became mutual acquaintances. still, away from the only people that he really cared for, he reverted back to his bitter self. even when he was back home, it was impossible for them to understand what he had saw and even harder to justify what he had done. ben tried his best to keep his family together and they were the only reason for his sanity.

ben’s second time back was a different story. a couple weeks before ben was set to return home, his squad was ambushed in what was supposed to be a routine patrol. he was shot twice and knocked unconscious when a nearby humvee exploded. a couple weeks later, he awoke in a hospital in germany and learned that he was the only survivor. his injuries were bad enough to keep him from returning back and instead, he was sent home to recover. ben was never the same though. even though he was back home, the war followed him. he wouldn’t sleep for days at a time and when he did, the nightmares plagued him until he woke, screaming. loud noises triggered flashbacks and ben was paranoid, convinced everyone was out to get him. the pain meds the doctors gave him were the only thing that seemed to help.

one night, natalie tried to wake him and ben snapped. when finally realized where he was, ben had already strangled her half to death. it was a miracle he didn’t kill her. the incident left him horrified and he finally sought the help he needed. he was diagnosed with ptsd and prescribed medication. for a time, they helped and he managed to get back a semi-normal life. however, ben hated how the medication seemed to cloud his mind. at times, ben would go off his medication and the nightmares would return. his relationship between his wife was already strained and they fought about the safety of their son. to keep himself sane, ben began abusing his pain medication. eventually, the pills weren't enough and he began seeking other methods to keep him grounded. soon, he was taking hits of cocaine just to get himself out of bed in the mornings. it was impossible to keep the drug abuse from his wife and it put a strain on the relationship.

a couple months after ben started the drug abuse, a noise woke him up during one of his nightmares. paranoid and still partially dreaming, ben grabbed his gun and left the bedroom. the intruder only turned out to be his son wanting a glass of water, but ben didn’t find that out until after he had taken a shot. luckily, the bullet missed his son. it didn’t change the fact that ben had nearly killed him though. fearing for her safety and the safety of her child, natalie packed her bags and left. after living with her sister for a couple months, she finally came back to hand ben divorce papers. he hadn’t been dealing with her leaving very well and the drugs were the only reason he was still functioning. believing that he was holding her back, ben signed the divorce papers. at the same time, his drug abuse got him discharged from the army.

though natalie had left him, she still cared about him and after calling a few friends, she managed to get ben a job at a security firm. the firm was used to hiring veterans that needed to adjust to normal life. the man who ran the firm cleaned up ben’s act and managed to get him off the drugs, all but the pain medication. the job kept ben preoccupied and for a time, he was better. natalie and him briefly talked about getting back together, but the war had fundamentally changed ben. he wasn’t the same person she had fallen in love with. eventually, she found someone else who could take care of her and her son. while ben loved the child and deeply cared for him, the young boy didn’t even recognize ben as his father. ben decided it was best to cut off all ties while the boy was still young. a couple years later, ben lost contact with natalie.

THE FALL.[/b] despite being alone, ben was somewhat satisfied with his new life. his job was mostly running security at private events and helping the investigators when they needed it. he had been in the office, picking up his latest assignment when the infection first broke out. a man in the office had attacked him and out of instinct, ben reacted by snapping his neck. however, the murder seemed excusable when hordes of the infected started swarming. instinct kicked in and ben grabbed what he could before heading back to his apartment. he didn't realize that one of the women from worked had followed him. ben had only worked with her a couple times and was unwilling to let her follow. his first and only thought had been to find natalie and his son. she was persistent though and short of killing her, there was nothing ben could do to keep her from tagging along.

they had just gotten out of the city when ben ran into max. somehow the two of them ended up responsible for the small band of survivors and together, they started looking for a safe haven. though he considered leaving to find his family, ben kept quiet and eventually gave up hope. they added a few more survivors to their group and got the idea to head out to alcatraz island. on the island, they built a haven for other survivors. two years later, they're still on the island and it's grown into a small community. max took on the responsibility of leader and ben, addicted and not quite all there mentally, tries his best to help her. the years have only taken their toll on him and he's more bitter than ever. still, he'd give his life to protect those on the island, especially max. all ben wants is to find a way to return to a somewhat normal life again. [/div]

[/b] no matter what, ben always has the handgun with him at all times. even when he sleeps, the gun is under his pillow and easily accessible. though firing the gun draws too much attention, ben rarely uses it unless absolutely necessary. the familiar weight of the gun merely offers a sense of safety.

TACTICAL TOMAHAWK[/b] during one of the very first raids, ben acquired this weapon and since then, it's been his preferred weapon of choice. he's become quite adept and deadly accurate when throwing the tomahawk. the similarity of the tomahawk to a scaled down scythe has earned ben his codename on missions, reaper. though ben hates the name, it's stuck around and he doesn't bother arguing with it.

SWITCHBLADE.[/b] both light and easy to carry around, the switchblade has a way of always coming in handy. it's not exactly ideal for killing the infected, but it's good if ben ever finds himself in a tight spot with the survivors. along with the handgun, the switchblade is his second default weapons. the tomahawk is only used when ben leaves the island.

CIGARETTE CASE.[/b] ben's had a smoking habit since he was sixteen and he's not about to kick it anytime soon. even if the post-apocalyptic world makes it more difficult to acquire cigarettes, he makes sure that he has at least one cigarette with him.

BOTTLE OF VICODIN.[/b] the prescription bottle may have his name, but the pills certainly are not his. it's been a few years since ben's been legally prescribed the painkillers. it does nothing to stop his dependency on the drug though. of all his belongings, this is the one thing ben absolutely needs. he'll go to great lengths to make sure he has his painkillers.

WEDDING RING + ID TAGS.[/b] worn on a chain, the wedding ring and the dogtags are always around ben's neck. though he's given up hope that his ex-wife and son are still alive, the wedding ring serves to keep their memory close. while she left him, ben is still quite in love with her. the dogtags are worn more out of habit than anything. ben's never sure when his body will need to be identified.
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[/b] ben's most notable features are his tattoos. he got his first tattoo on his left forearm at the age of fifteen and since then, he's only added on. a full sleeve covers his right arm and the beginning of one on his left. the words 'never give up' curve just under his collarbone. on his back, resting on the base of his neck is a rose. ben's used to having to keep his tattoos covered up and typically a shirt is enough. when he's off the island, ben throws on a light jacket.

in addition to the tattoos, ben has several recognizable scars. while overseas, ben sustained two gunshot wounds and a broken femur. all that remains of the gunshot wounds are two 3" scars from surgery. one of them stretches under his right ribcage and the other over his right shoulder. on his back, down his left side are several scars from shrapnel. down his left thigh is a scar from surgery to fix his broken femur. while everything is healed, ben started abusing pain medication after the surgeries and now he continues because he still believes he feels the pain.[/div]

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